what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
