Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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