walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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