Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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