my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
