Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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