Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My ass is underappreciated
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
