yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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