I'm going to jail i love you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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