Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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