So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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