We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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