this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
tell me about the fingering
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