If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
