Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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