dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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