Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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