i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's always time for handjobs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
