Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
