Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
