I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
