things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
