You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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