So drunk its hurt
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
and you fell through a lawn chair
I touched a dick in church today
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
