I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
