i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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