the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
