i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
