In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
