He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
