DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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