dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
