sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
