I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
