using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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