i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
