hotel room ftw
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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