Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
