I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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