Umm I'm too high to move.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
