I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
