I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
