Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
