There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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