iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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