Just fell off a train. Bad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize