I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
