the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
