# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
