shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize