Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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