I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cockslap morals
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize