ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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