just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
