i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
