Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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