remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
