That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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