It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
