This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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