Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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