Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to make out with him forever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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