Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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