i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
