This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
