you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
