so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
