Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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