dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
